The Big Offender

Since last December, I’ve offended many people, mainly my aunt, who more or less stopped talking to me about 30 years ago. In doing that I also offended her son, his wife and grandchildren since they don’t talk to me in Facebook.. I do feel bad about that, but I had 30 years of unanswered questions. I was in an emotional mood that day, December riles me up, it has for years. I apologized as soon as I did and since it came out of the blue (to them), I probably sounded crazy.

Then a few weeks ago I got billed for clock I didn’t expect from volunteers at the historical building which I clean once a week, which included my aunt I mentioned, even though I gave them a replacement which wasn’t good enough. So I gave them their $5.00 and wrote a sarcastic note to go with with it. Friday I apologized again in a note, I’m not sure what they thought of that.  I said:

“I’m sorry about the clock fiasco, I hope no one holds a grudge. Can we move on from here and just be happy?” 

‘Don’t worry..”

“Be happy…”

and I signed my name and drew a cartoon of my face.

Anyway they might all think I’m CRAZY now and just avoid me. Maybe I did act out of character. Like I said I need a physical. My problem is I say things impulsively without any thought of consequence. I just blurt things out! I offend people all the time, just usually my family not other folks. I need to curb my enthusiasm for speaking what I’m FEELING…

I had a talk with my much older cousin and we decided I have to stop writing notes and letters. I KNEW that before I talked to her, I just got it confirmed!  She is a Sagittarius similar to me, she knows.  She said say what you feel but don’t put it in writing. I am a coward and hate confrontations so I write my damned notes! I just put my foot in my mouth every-time I turn around.  I seem irritable lately and don’t know why.

I wish I hadn’t gotten so angry that day, why didn’t I shrug it off like I used to do? I know it’s best to live in the PRESENT Moment and to leave the past behind.  I think I need a physical I haven’t been my easy going self lately.

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I AM THE CHEESE by Robert Corimer

I Am the Cheese

I AM THE CHEESE by Robert Corimer, (c) 1977. I was 18 years old when this book was printed. It’s not written with adults in mind, but I enjoy books written for teenagers at times. This one was written for reading level 5.6 so it’s more like 5th grade level, but that’s okay I’ll read it anyway.

This story is about a boy running away to visit his father. He’s taken off on his bike riding from Monument, Massachusetts to Rutterburg, Vermont where he plans to take a Greyhound bus to Montreal, Canada. So in between the chapters of the story of his trip is a chapter where he seems to be getting therapy in some kind of a mental institution or psychiatrists office. It’s interesting to say the least! I shall read the whole book.. won’t take long I’m sure!

 

I need to write a letter…

Last December I acted like a fool! I Really, Really regret it too! If I had only kept my big mouth shut! I more or less told my aunt off in a short note and two letters for giving me the cold shoulder for over 20 years! Aunt C married my dad’s younger brother. Now her son won’t really talk to me. I suppose I upset his mom…  Does he even realize she gave me the cold shoulder for about 30 years? I must have hurt her feeling horribly and offended her a lot to have her treat me that way, yet refuse to tell me what I did to upset her!

Now I want to sincerely apologize to her for the way I acted but I fear it will make things worse. You see she has one more reason to be hurt and offended by me. I think she needs to apologize to ME for giving me the cold shoulder all these years and not telling me why! She did the same thing to my wonderful caring mother!

Anyway I wanted to heal things between us, but her depth of hurt goes way too deep to forgive anyone. It’s not all about her. She hurt me and mom and several other people she gives the cold shoulder to. Anyone who hurt her feelings gets ignored by her.. it never ends…