The Big Offender

Since last December, I’ve offended many people, mainly my aunt, who more or less stopped talking to me about 30 years ago. In doing that I also offended her son, his wife and grandchildren since they don’t talk to me in Facebook.. I do feel bad about that, but I had 30 years of unanswered questions. I was in an emotional mood that day, December riles me up, it has for years. I apologized as soon as I did and since it came out of the blue (to them), I probably sounded crazy.

Then a few weeks ago I got billed for clock I didn’t expect from volunteers at the historical building which I clean once a week, which included my aunt I mentioned, even though I gave them a replacement which wasn’t good enough. So I gave them their $5.00 and wrote a sarcastic note to go with with it. Friday I apologized again in a note, I’m not sure what they thought of that.  I said:

“I’m sorry about the clock fiasco, I hope no one holds a grudge. Can we move on from here and just be happy?” 

‘Don’t worry..”

“Be happy…”

and I signed my name and drew a cartoon of my face.

Anyway they might all think I’m CRAZY now and just avoid me. Maybe I did act out of character. Like I said I need a physical. My problem is I say things impulsively without any thought of consequence. I just blurt things out! I offend people all the time, just usually my family not other folks. I need to curb my enthusiasm for speaking what I’m FEELING…

I had a talk with my much older cousin and we decided I have to stop writing notes and letters. I KNEW that before I talked to her, I just got it confirmed!  She is a Sagittarius similar to me, she knows.  She said say what you feel but don’t put it in writing. I am a coward and hate confrontations so I write my damned notes! I just put my foot in my mouth every-time I turn around.  I seem irritable lately and don’t know why.

I wish I hadn’t gotten so angry that day, why didn’t I shrug it off like I used to do? I know it’s best to live in the PRESENT Moment and to leave the past behind.  I think I need a physical I haven’t been my easy going self lately.

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I need to write a letter…

Last December I acted like a fool! I Really, Really regret it too! If I had only kept my big mouth shut! I more or less told my aunt off in a short note and two letters for giving me the cold shoulder for over 20 years! Aunt C married my dad’s younger brother. Now her son won’t really talk to me. I suppose I upset his mom…  Does he even realize she gave me the cold shoulder for about 30 years? I must have hurt her feeling horribly and offended her a lot to have her treat me that way, yet refuse to tell me what I did to upset her!

Now I want to sincerely apologize to her for the way I acted but I fear it will make things worse. You see she has one more reason to be hurt and offended by me. I think she needs to apologize to ME for giving me the cold shoulder all these years and not telling me why! She did the same thing to my wonderful caring mother!

Anyway I wanted to heal things between us, but her depth of hurt goes way too deep to forgive anyone. It’s not all about her. She hurt me and mom and several other people she gives the cold shoulder to. Anyone who hurt her feelings gets ignored by her.. it never ends…

He Died.. I was his wife a long time ago

My Ex-husband died last night. I hardly knew him now after all these years. He had moved down south. We got married in 1979 and divorced in 1985. Our daughter wanted information on his family for his funeral and obit and I had to look up information on his family on Family Search and Find a Grave websites.  That was a very interesting thing to do since I love genealogy. The poor man had a screwed up life after he left me, but he made all his own choices.

As I Was Saying…

Sometimes it’s necessary to e-mail a blogger and beg to have your comment deleted…  I know I was just being myself with my comments, like I’m in some freaking private chat room! Blogging is not chatting exactly! I know EVERY SINGLE WORD I’VE PUBLISHED ONLINE WILL BE OUT THERE FOREVER. Where it’s stored I don’t know.. But I have rued the day I opened my mouth more times than I can count! I’m a Sagittarius after all! I’m opinionated, rather blunt and totally honest! I have even been called a “Genuine” person at one time. Meaning my intentions are genuine? Hmm But I have a self esteem problem you know? Why can’t I just say my piece and be done with it? It’s in the past already! What do I care what you readers think anyway? RIGHT?  Ugh!

On Making Mistakes

Have you made some horrible, embarrassing mistakes in your life? The kind you would rather forget?  I’ve made plenty of them in my 57 years on earth. Many times I’ve been judgemental, maybe I am still at times, I am an impulsive speaker, often saying things I regret and have a quick temper although I don’t stay angry very long, it’s pointless to hold a grudge when that negative energy ruins your whole day. I have learned to forgive myself for my mistakes, you can only move on in the present moment, forget the past and try to do better, to be a better person.

The Cricket

Here I am visiting my daughter for two weeks. Today I walked into the powder room downstairs, you know I REALLY had to go… And there by the toilet rug is a cricket! But it’s not anything like our big black ones or small (baby?) brown ones. This has huge grasshopper type back legs and a humped body, it reminded me of the Chinese or Japanese ones in story books…kept in a cage? ANYWAY I grab a piece of toilet paper and pick it up and flush it! All gone! Then I sit down to go… all the while imagining it coming back up and jumping on my hoo hoo! 5 minutes later I get up to finish and there’s the cricket on top of the water! ALIVE!  So here it was wiggling on top of the water as I did my business! I screamed and quickly flushed it again! This time holding down the handle until it was done. It’s really gone now, I checked! LOL.

spotted-camel-cricket

Note: I do feel bad about flushing the innocent cricket, usually I throw an insect outside because I don’t like to squash them, I hate the sound it makes and how it looks…guts and all, you know? And I found out after cricket’s don’t hurt anyone. I guess that makes me a horrible person!  :  (  By the way that cricket IS a native insect to my area in Pennsylvania! It’s called a CAMEL CRICKET. Living up north of the state I have never seen one before but I see different insects here in the southern part of the state, such as the HAIRY CENTIPEDE that scared the shit out of me when I visited my daughter and her family at their old house. I do NOT feel bad about flushing the little Yellow Jacket look alikes that keep coming in the house!

NOTE: Is this story a TMI story? Hey baby this is real life! Get over it!